too much?

I was recently talking with a new business friend.  We connected after she read my blog post Extra – it’s one of my favorites, and I’m always really, really happy to talk about this topic, and to celebrate those who bring the Too Muchness.

We chatted about how we’ve both found big and small ways to bring our truest, most colorful selves into the work and life situations we encounter.  We chatted about imposter syndrome.  We lamented the exhaustion that accompanies being something beyond traditional and expected.  We talked about the limbs we walk out on and then cling to as we will new ways of thinking and behaving and approaching stuff into existence.

And then she made a statement about herself and her current colleagues that floored me:

They don’t deserve all of me.

I literally heard a record scratch.  My mouth went dry.  All of the cliches, they happened.

They don’t deserve all of me.

She’s right.  The time and energy we expend being flexible and nimble and welcoming compromise-for-the-sake-of-little-gains… 

They don’t deserve it, glitterbombs.  

Too often, the All Of You that you’ve fought so hard to confidently, unapologetically bring along throughout every element of your life is a gift that others don’t deserve.

The work, the effort, the strength, and the bravery it takes to proudly step out as you, may be too much for them because they haven’t earned you.  

They haven’t provided a safe place for you to spread out as yourself.

They haven’t cleared space for you to take to the stage and speak loudly and boldly.

They haven’t done their own work to prepare for your boss bitch energy.

None of this is about you.  It’s about them.

And so if you’re bringing all of you – the glorious, luminescent, brilliant soul – and they’re not worthy, don’t panic.  But don’t stop, either. 

Allow yourself the moment to pause, and then give yourself the gift of enough.  Enough of you that you’re still honoring who you are, without pushing yourself through the cheese-grater of their nonsense.  Enough that you’re not denying who you are or what you’re up to without giving them the room to ignite the burnout fuse.  

Don’t stop being who you are.  But don’t push beyond what’s safe, what’s healthy, and what’s worthwhile IF they don’t deserve all of you.

The ones who do, they’re out there.